In the middle of my research for the white paper on work-life balance, I was feeling pretty good about my marriage to Nicole. Our son Luke was almost 2, healthy and happy. Although we had had some rough spots, I thought I was at least a 7 out of 10 as a husband.

So one night when Luke was asleep, I asked the question: “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best husband and 1 being we are near divorce, where do you think I am?” ­­­­­A very scary question, especially for someone like me who tends to be arrogant and full of blind-spots. Without hesitation, my awesome wife said a “2.”

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, a 2.

Ugh. Double ugh.

Although I was full of arrogance, for some strange reason this did not cause a fight, nor send me into a deep despair.

I simply took it as fact and vowed to do better.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25

I was not doing this. I had no idea how bad it was until I asked this question. I was moving so fast, and so concerned about providing for my family that I neglected her. I was working 65+ hours per week. That’s ten-plus hours a day, six days a week. How could I possibly have spent enough time with Nicole?

This was right after this lunch and before Jeff and his wife Millie drove up from Orange County one Sunday night to share a word she said that she had from God for us. I soon realized that simply vowing to “do better” and actually doing it were entirely different things. I needed to overhaul my life and begin living according to my priorities.

One of my greatest fears has always been having a mediocre marriage or worse, a divorce. It was being incubated and I had no idea.

What tough questions have you asked those closest to you in order to find out the truth?

How has the outcome been, and what could you share with me to help me be a better husband?

What blind-spots have you discovered in yourself?


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